What Could Have Happened: Not Really
by My Midnight Sun
Summary: Join Harry, Ron, and Hermione as they bravely and quite stupidly set out to defeat Lord Voldemort.  Complete with code names and pop culture references.


**a/n: **_This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction. I wrote it in January but because I am a horrible procrastinator I'm just now getting around to posting it. I am aware the characters are out of character, but it's more fun that way (in this story at least)._**  
**

**Disclaimer: **I am but a poor college student, J.K. Rowling is neither poor nor a college student. Therefore, I could not be her so please don't sue me.

**What Could Have Happened: Not Really**

"I've got it! I've got it!" Harry yelled, running down the stairs and nearly tripping in his haste. Steadying himself on the railing, he looked up. "I've got it!"

"Got what Harry?" Ron asked distractedly. He'd recently become muggle obsessed. For a month, he'd been watching muggle movies and listening to muggle music. (This was the seventh time in a row he'd watched the Wizard of Oz). "Hold on, this is the best part. 'Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh my! Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh my!"

"Shut up, Ron," Hermione said, walking into the room. "Why are you watching this again? I don't understand you. All you've been watching for days now are fantasy movies - The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe; The Lord of the Rings - Why don't you watch something about muggles? I mean, if I'd grown up in the wizarding world, I'd want to learn as much as possible about-"

"Well, we're all not you Hermione, are we?" Ron interrupted, his eyes still glued to the TV screen. "Besides, muggles are boring."

"Hey! They are not. My parents are muggles. All my relatives are muggles."

"So? That doesn't mean they're not boring."

"Ronald Bilius Weasley-"

"Excuse me! I believe I just said I've got it. Doesn't anyone want to know what I got?" Harry said loudly, perturbed that they weren't listening to him.

"Uh, sure Harry. What've you got? Is it more movies?" Ron had finally pulled his gaze from the TV.

"Ron, you really like movies don't you? You think they're exciting, right?" Hermione asked him slyly.

"Right Hermione."

"Well, if muggles are boring they'd make boring movies. But you said they make exciting movies. Therefore, muggles can't be boring." Hermione laughed triumphantly.

"Concentrate people!" Harry snapped, when Ron opened his mouth to respond. He hadn't slept in three days and their bickering was starting to get on his nerves. Besides, after days of agonized thinking he finally had the perfect plan. "I'll tell you what I've got." He paused for dramatic effect. "I know how to defeat Voldemort."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"I said, 'I know how to defeat Voldemort.'" Honestly, did they suddenly go deaf?

"Oh Harry! That's wonderful! How?" Hermione squeaked out excitedly.

"Gather around and I'll tell you," he whispered.

As he proceeded to tell the two his plan, Ron grew excited; his freckly-and pasty white because of lack of sunlight-face wore a broad grin. In contrast, Hermione's healthier looking face now sported a rather horrified expression.

* * *

"Harry," Hermione whispered in panic. "This isn't going to work. You're going on a suicide mission and bringing us with you. Please, think this through. You haven't slept in days and you're not thinking clearly. Go home, get some rest, then decide if this the best idea." 

"No, Hermione. The fight ends tonight. I have my plan and as long as everything goes accordingly, it will lead to Voldemort's defeat."

Hermione was starting to make him angry, with her constant arguing. Honestly, his plan was foolproof…wasn't it? Yes, of course it was. Just because he hadn't slept in days, didn't mean his thinking was muddled. It just made his defeat of Voldemort all the more impressive. He chuckled darkly.

"Harry," Hermione's voice bordered on hysterical.

"That's enough, now be quiet. We're almost there. You both remember what we have to do, right? Tunneling into the basement?" Harry turned around and was satisfied when both nodded. "Good, I'll go first, followed by you Ron and then Hermione. Okay, let's go!"

They'd been in the tunnel for about five minutes when Harry heard something strange. "Is that…_music_?" Yes, that was what he heard and it sounded like…"Isn't that the theme song to _Mission: Impossible_? Where's it coming from? Ron!"

"Yeah?" Ron said sheepishly.

Harry's only response was a stare (and an attempt to raise one eyebrow that made him look rather foolish).

"All right! I'll turn it off," he muttered, reaching into his bag to pull out a small music player and clicking it off. He looked at Harry defensively, "I thought it would add to the mood…Oh Merlin!" Ron looked horrified.

"What is it!" Harry asked, getting worried.

"We forgot to synchronize our watches."

"Ron?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Have you moved on to action/adventure films, then?"

"Yeah, I watched _Mission: Impossible _and _James Bond_ before we left. And," Ron said happily. "I know what I want to do with my life. I'm going to be a secret agent!"

"Will both of you shut up?" Hermione hissed. "We're almost there. Do you want us to get caught?"

"Oh!" Harry turned back around awkwardly. "Does everyone have their buckets? Wonderful! Now be quiet, we need the element of surprise."

The three stealthily left the tunnel, entering a dank, musky basement. Harry looked around, searching for the door. After locating it he turned back to look at Ron and Hermione, except that the former was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Ron?"

A crackling noise from his bag. After opening it, Harry looked inside and sighed. He should have known. Resting inside was, of course, a walkie talkie.

"Harry, Harry. Come in, Harry. This is Ron. Over."

"Ron! What are you doing? Where are you?" Harry waited a moment but was only greeted by silence. He sighed again. "Over."

"I'm scouting out the premises. Over."

"Well, get back here now. You're going to get yourself killed." Again there was silence and Harry said through gritted teeth, "Over."

"I'm going to check everything out. I'll make sure the way is clear. Over."

"Fine meet us in the dining room…Over." Harry put the walkie talkie back in his bag. He looked over at Hermione. "Ron's lost it."

As he was making his way to the door, he thought heard Hermione mutter, very faintly, "He's not the only one."

The duo left the basement and crept into the dining room. It was, thankfully, completely deserted, albeit very dusty. A moment later Ron rolled in.

"The coast is clear. Everything's going according to plan."

"Okay," Harry drawled. "Everyone check your things. Make sure you have everything."

As the two complied, Ron said, "Hey Harry, you know what? We should all have code names."

"Sure Ron. Whatever you want." He said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. It seemed like a good idea to play along with Ron's delusions.

"Oh, sure. Listen to Ron. Do what he wants, but ignore the sane one!" Hermione whispered rather sarcastically.

Ron, completely ignoring her, said, "I'll be double oh seven-"

"That's already taken!" Hermione snapped, then clapped her hand over her mouth. In horror, she turned away mumbling, "He has me going along with him now."

"Alright, I'll be the Red Falcon, Harry can be the Black Panther, and Hermione you can be the Brown Rabbit."

"Why do you two get to be predators, while I'm stuck as a rabbit? And why do the names have to do with our hair color? And why am I arguing about this?"

This time Harry succumbed to the urge to roll his eyes. "Both of you shut up! We have to go. If anything happens to me, get yourselves out."

"No Harry!" Ron yelled. Quieting down, he said, "I mean, no Black Panther. Never leave a man behind!"

Harry opened his mouth to respond when Hermione snapped, "Cut it out both of you. Someone's going to find us."

The three started the walk up to Voldemort's room.

"Ron, cut it out," Harry hissed. Ron insisted on somersaulting and rolling down the hall. Then, at corners he'd press himself against the wall and quickly move around it, holding his wand out in front of him, like he had a gun. All in all, he was making a lot of noise.

"I can't Black Panther. This is how all of the secret agents do it. And, I would prefer you'd call me Red Falcon from now on."

The trio arrived outside of Voldemort's room. Ron looked at Harry when Harry reached for the doorknob. "Oh, alright."

Harry kicked down the door. He and Hermione walked into the room. Ron, however, somersaulted in, got to his knees, and pulled out his wand.

Voldemort sat in an old armchair, in front of a blazing fire, twirling his wand in his hand. "I've been waiting for you, Harry Potter. I heard all the noise." He laughed maniacally.

Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Ron quickly climbed to his feet, pulled out a pair of sunglasses, put them on, ripped off his robes (under which he wore a suit), and said, "My name is Weasley, Ron Weasley."

He then stepped up to Harry's side and pointed first at Harry, then at Voldemort. "His name is Harry James Potter. You killed his father. Prepare to die."

From behind them, Harry heard Hermione moan, "_Why did we let him watch movies?_"

Then, Harry took out his bucket and threw the contents at Voldemort. As the water splashed onto him, Voldemort looked down in horror.

"I'm melting, I'm melting! Oh, I'll get you Harry Pot-" His squeals ended abruptly, possibly due to the fact that he was now a puddle of goo.

Hermione looked down in surprise and disbelief. "It worked."

"Well duh Hermione," Ron snickered. "He is, well was, the wicked wizard of the west!"

At that moment, Wormtail walked into the room, saw the puddle of goo on the ground, and fainted.

"Oh gross," Ron shouted. "He fell into The-Puddle-Of-Goo-Formerly-Known-As-Lord-Voldemort!


End file.
